New Beginnings – A Fresh Start

OK, so I’ve apparently REALLY slacked off since starting this new blog.  I just realized it’s been over a month and I’ve only written 11 posts.  Who am I? 

Well, I guess a newly single girl who has gone out almost every single night of every week and whose mind is always and consistently all over the place.

There, I said it.

Things have been pretty interesting for the last few weeks.  First of all, hot boy at work?  (If it continues, I’ll have to think of a better name for him)… We have spent a ton of time together in the last 2 weeks – we’ve gone out for drinks, dinner, seen a comedy show, drove to Palm Springs for the day, I’ve met his friends, and on Saturday he took me to dinner and the major thing is that he’s slept over twice already and on Friday we went all the way (omigod could i sound more like a high school girl? – actually, I never had sex until I was 19…).

The truth is that I knew sex was going to happen any time soon.  Our physical chemistry is pretty undeniable, and the fact that we really get along and enjoy eachother’s company can’t hurt either, right?  However, it doesn’t change the fact that it was SO WIERD actually having sex with another man.  Like, even though I was enjoying it IMMENSELY (sorry if this is all t.m.i.), I was totally preoccupied with thoughts of C… almost guilty thoughts.  But I just have to keep reminding myself that I’m not doing anything wrong – C and I are broken up and as far as I’m concerned, he can do whatever he wants with someone else and that would be fine with me. 

Hot work boy did notice something was a little off with me when he was trying very hard to pleasure me and as much as it did feel good, I just couldn’t “fully” enjoy myself – if you’re catching my drift.  BTW, this is not something that I normally struggle with so I was a little disturbed by it.  Luckily, hot boy is also a smart boy and made me so comfortable that I literally forgot there was an issue at all.  All in all, I’ve enjoyed myself.  

Another nice thing about this little thing going on with hot boy is that there are no real expectations – he knows that I’m most likely not ready to get into anything super serious, and he’s told me that he also is not looking for a serious relationship.  However, we both are open that we enjoy spending time with one another and until the fun stops, why stop?

C and I have remained in touch.  He is still traveling the world (he has been gone for over 3 weeks already!) and we are constantly emailing back and forth.  The other night I got home late and got on Facebook and next thing you know a chat box popped up from C… it was so strange to actually talk in real time.  Good, but a bit wierd.

BUT – the worst possible thing happened on Saturday.  I had just come home from a meeting and was quickly getting ready for my date with hot boy ( I knew he was coming to pick me up in the next half hour) when I quickly checked Facebook and there was another chat box from C.  He asked if I could get on Skype, so that we could actually talk to eachother and hear eachother’s voices, and I would be able to see him but he couldn’t see me because my camera on my computer wasn’t hooked up.  I knew that I was running a bit late but I still wanted to hear C’s voice and see his face.

When we first started talking I told him that I had plans with my girlfriend so that he wouldn’t be a little surprised when I would have to leave.  He was telling me stuff about his trip, and although it was nice to chat back and forth, there really wasn’t much to talk about…  you would think the complete opposite with him being away for so long but it all kind of just reiterates to me why we aren’t right for eachother right now? 

Anyway, as we were talking there was a knock on my door.  I went and answered it and there was hot boy at my door!  I had completely expected him to call me from downstairs so I was totally freaked out.  I quietly whispered to him that I was talking to C and he awkwardly went into the other room to wait.  Meanwhile, C had no idea anyone was there and continued to tell me how much he missed me and then – actually asked if I was seeing anyone else.  I just about peed my pants right there and told him I wasn’t… don’t ask me why but I just couldn’t say anything right then and there.  Regardless, most awkward moment of the weekend BY FAR.